is it normal to feel this sick so often?
my stomach is always unsettling,
like that feeling when a loved one dies,
or your heart just got broken.
i havent had a loved one die in a while,
but it'll probably happen soon.
my grandma from my dads side is in the hospital
and according to my mom, who spoke with an aunt,
she's not doing good. at all. and she's calling my grandpas name
i dont have a love in my life, but im guessing maybe thats my fault.
there was someone great, but i got lost. lost in my own
sick feelings and unhappy thoughts.
i really dont know why im like this or do or think these things.
ive never known. the way it seems, im the only person in my family
going through things like this.
actually, i had a cousin "accidentally" commit suicide.
raulito is what we called him. he was raul trevino jr.
he was on medication and i hadnt talked to him in so many years,
and i looked for his myspace page once i found out what had happened
and that kid had a good mind. seemed positive about life and also
thought about interesting things. i dont know what happened
and i probably never will. maybe we share that disorder
thats somewhere along our bloodline. his dad is my dads brother.
as full as i am because of how much i eat sometimes,
i always feel empty.
as full as i am because of how much i drink sometimes,
i always feel empty.
but in those cases, filled with drinks, i can handle the emptiness.
but sometimes, when im alone, ill shed a tear of a few.